AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH

Today I drove to the Canadian border and back for nothing. No, really.

17 days without a cigarette

Why the hell didn't I do this before? All my problems are disappearing. I feel great.

To Believe

"To believe that Bush won the election, you must also believe: That the exit polls were wrong; that Zogby's 5pm election day calls for Kerry winning Ohio and Florida were wrong (he was exactly right in his 2000 final poll); that Harris' last-minute polling for Kerry was wrong (he was exactly right in his 2000 final poll); that incumbent rule #1 - undecideds break for the challenger - was wrong; That the 50% rule - an incumbent doesn't do better than his final polling - was wrong; That the approval rating rule - an incumbent with less than 50% approval will most likely lose the election - was wrong; that it was just a coincidence that the exit polls were correct where there was a paper trail and incorrect (+5% for Bush) where there was no paper trail; that the surge in new young voters had no positive effect for Kerry; that Kerry did worse than Gore against an opponent who lost the support of scores of Republican newspapers who were for Bush in 2000; that voting machines made by Republicans with no paper trail and with no software publication, which have been proven by thousands of computer scientists to be vulnerable in scores of ways, were not tampered with in this election."

--"TruthIsAll," a poster on Democraticunderground.com

To Whom it May Concern:

At about 1 AM On November 1, I was taking a late-night walk in your neighborhood. I often take such walks; the exercise helps me relax and hence, sleep better. Unfortunately on this night I was severely menaced by your loudly barking dog, who seemed about to attack until he/she/it was (fortunately for me) distracted by a passing bicyclist, whom your dog chased instead until you appeared at your door to let it in.

I spent several uneasy moments on the sidewalk with my arms raised and my heart beating furiously before the arrival of the bicyclist; I don't expect to be able to sleep any time soon, to put it mildly. My heart rate still has not returned to normal. While the word "traumatic" might be pushing it, I found the whole experience quite a bit more than merely unpleasant.

If you can't be bothered to take your dog out for a walk, please find it another home.

Logan's Run D.M.C. 900 Foot Jesus Lizard King Crimson Avenger

Your Sunday Groucho Marx Fix

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

Take a deep breath; or, Why hedonism doesn't really work out all that well except possibly sometimes in the case of ice cream

It's time I posted something even if I don't have much to say except AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA because I just started a new job one day before the kids started school and the kids' mom wasn't even going to take them for the weekend as is usual during the school year because she had conveniently forgotten our prior agreement and anyway had nefarious if profitable errands to carry out with her fresh-out-of-prison divots-in-the-crooks-of-his-arms latest boyfriend and also they were going to the funeral of his uncle who no doubt overdosed on something--all this while they are living at the house of her previous boyfriend who died a few months ago of complications from an infection of the leg at the age of 35 or 36 since which time she and Jailbird have cheerfully polished off Dead Man's entire (and sizable) stock of wine. The only reason all this doesn't scare me even more than it does has to do with the slight amount of stability afforded by the fact that the mother of the aforementioned dead man has moved in with them even though the reason for her moving in is that her husband dumped her for someone much younger about a month before her son died and now she hugs me every chance she gets (not like that because she's much older than I am) and thanks me over and over for the kind words I said at her son's funeral which touches me but frightens me too because she can't fall apart now because I am counting on her to require of these raving lunatics some semblance of sanity.

(Catching breath) But I digress.

Actually, I guess it turns out I have a bit to say after all.

Reading this, you really wouldn't believe how cool, how sane, the kids are. Nonetheless I think it would be foolish of me not to scan the web as frequently as possible in search of banana-boat tickets (one adult, two children) to, say, Peru.